Ode To Johnny May

Go ahead and click 'read more' - this one is long
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Here’s a little story
And I make no distortion
Of an underwear model
With epic proportions

On the side of road
Was my man Johnny May
So sweet to the ladies
It’s like tooth decay

Got a billboard lit up
With a picture he took
Ladies run off the road
Just to get a good look.

Causing the wrecks
And got the cars all piled up
Girls craning their necks
And got the Cougars riled up.

He’s the talk of the town
It’s spreading like rabies
He’s the local McDreamy
Of the Super Size ladies.

He’s the greatest of posers
Does what Zoolander can’t
They love how he looks
With that sock in his pants

But the boys are real proud
At the Big Lucky 10
Posed Once in his drawers
And he’ll do it again

Wax on and Wax off
The eyebrows on his face
So many girls
He just sprays ‘em with mace.

I asked my man Johnny
“How you lookin’ so swole?”
He tore his shirt when he flexed
Then said “That’s how I roll.”

Quit school cause of recess
That’s right, Johnny don’t play
But he don’t get the big head
Cause that’s not his way.

But what do I know?
I’m just a guy on a blog
Making fun my friend
From the Sears Catalog

See things were all cool
Till I heard from my honey
When I went to his house
To get me some money

I said, “Johnny’s a model”
“Does he really look that good”
She says, “Yeah pretty much.”
And said more than she should.

Just a minor remark
But that’s about all it took
To get Iceman and Egg
Almost clean off the hook.